I pay lease to my boyfriend and assist run his property enterprise. He takes my commissions and received’t focus on marriage. What can I do?
My friend of 10 years and I got to know each other because I was his tenant. He is 25 years older than me. I agreed to keep paying rent because he told me I would get the house when he died. To be fair, I wouldn’t be able to move either because rents were skyrocketing in my area, and as a young single mother I wanted to work part time so I could take care of my (then) young son.
In the years that followed, we formed two companies together using the property he owns. One was a short term rental in a unit of the duplex house we live in and the other was a theater. Both were very popular. However, I did a lot of unpaid work to get the business started as well as daily operations. I made some money managing the rent and getting tips from working the bar in the theater, but my friend kept the rest of the money.
“
He took part in my assignments without telling me. He’s also started treating me like an employee rather than a partner. ‘
”
At the time, this arrangement was fine as it was discussed that the money from the rent would be used to renovate the house to turn it into a single house that we could share. But he quit his job and lived on money instead. Then he took part in my assignments without telling me. He also started treating me like an employee rather than a partner. All of this was very annoying and we had many difficult conversations about his behavior.
We’ve had to close our stores since the pandemic and he had to go back to work. I started a clothing company in 2019, but the pandemic affected that business too, so I lived on unemployment benefits. I have a congenital heart disease and I am uncomfortable looking for a job until I have been vaccinated. I haven’t paid rent since August 2020. I have helped long-term renters take advantage of the short-term rental and have the workforce prepare the property for occupancy.
I asked my friend to sit down with me and look at the numbers. He’s never been ready to show me the mortgage, taxes, and insurance payments, nor did we have a real discussion about money. Every time I bring it up, the conversation ends with a promise that something will happen in the future. However, I no longer believe any of this will happen. Every time I feel that we have reached an agreement, he will say or do something that contradicts what I am very confused about.
“
“He’s never been ready to show me the monthly mortgage, tax, and insurance payments, nor has he really had a discussion about money.”
”
If I had known then what I know now, I would never have got involved with this man, and the two businesses we started together would never have come off. I worry that given the current real estate market, he will be tempted to sell one or both of his properties without consulting me. Since we don’t have any agreements on paper, I wonder how I can protect myself from losing that agreement. I have come to believe that I am investing with my time and money.
Six months ago I was very frustrated and made a couple of tables: one documents the rent I’ve paid over the past 10 years, one for all unpaid workers, and another documents everything he paid for me (which wasn’t the Case is). not much). I sent it to him explaining that I felt he didn’t appreciate my contributions and he complained that I “sent him an invoice”. I didn’t see it that way, but rather as a negotiating tool for what I invested in companies, real estate and ultimately in our relationship.
We live in Louisiana, and while we never made formal agreements, we’ve been in an engaged, monogamous relationship for over a decade. I want to protect myself in the event that this relationship ends either through separation or an untimely death (mine or his), but I don’t know what influence I actually have legally. Any thought or advice you have is welcome.
Feeling exploited
The money is:Until recently, we were friends with our neighbors for decades. One day they introduced us to their financial advisor …
You can email The Moneyist at [email protected] with financial and ethical questions related to coronavirus
Dear Exploited,
You both live in the same house and work side by side, but you also live in alternate worlds. Yes, you are in an engaged, monogamous relationship, but you are not entirely committed to the same things. You are determined to help him start his business and turn his property into one that makes money while you live there on sub-market rents and dream of a future where you get married and all of your financial assets mix.
He is committed to helping you help him start his business and turn his property into one that makes money while you live there with below-market rents and never tell you directly that you don’t dream of a future where you are supposed to get married and mix everything up of your financial assets. He has a girlfriend and an employee whom he pays with promises and sweet things and commissions until he decides he wants them for himself. It’s a win-win situation for him.
“
You’re in an engaged, monogamous relationship, but you’re not indebted to all of the same things.
”
This is more of a cat and mouse game than a love affair. If you were a business partner or a life partner, there would be something on paper. There is nothing on paper. This is not an oversight or something that is on a “to do” list. That is entirely by design. When you wrote, “He quit his job and lived on the money instead,” I thought, “Of course he did.” You don’t have to judge people by their dreams or promises, but by their actions.
I do not believe that you are a victim of his financial ills or romantic offenses, and I urge you not to see yourself as a person either. It will help you see your part. They knew nothing was put on paper. You were not an employee or partner, and he cannot “steal” commission if you do not have legal status. You say you would never have gotten into a relationship with him if you had known then what you know now. But he only had to veil once to reveal himself.
Your friend sounds more like a lazy villain than a cunning con man. I suspect your growing impatience was a confirmation of what you knew all along. Your doubts grew, but the evidence came very early for you to see and act on. He showed you who he is from the start. Ask yourself why you accepted this. Was it a lower rent at a vulnerable point in your life, camaraderie, romance, and / or the promise of financial security?
“
He can wait for you a decade or more. It doesn’t cost him anything. He holds all the cards.
”
He can wait for you a decade or more. It doesn’t cost him anything. He holds all the cards. Sure, he can fake outrage: “How can you be so rude that you charge every last red cent? They have reduced our 10 years to these inappropriate transactions. I thought I meant more to you than that! “Or,” This is not the time to pressure me about marriage, especially when you seem so terribly unhappy and we are in the middle of a pandemic. If you think like that, then why are you staying? ”
Here’s one possibility that could change: you are finally reaching your breaking point and maybe threatening to leave him, his home, and his businesses. You finally walk out the door and quietly hope that he comes to his senses and realizes what he is about to lose. And next? He’s once again taking the path of least resistance, showing you who he is for the very last time, and doing exactly what he has been doing for 10 years to drive this business partnership and relationship forward: Nothing.
The money is:My wife has been home teaching our son and our best friend’s son since September due to COVID-19. Is It Too Late To Raise Money?
Hello, MarketWatchers. Check out Moneyist’s private Facebook FB, -1.53%, where we look for answers to life’s toughest money problems. The readers write to me with all kinds of dilemmas. Ask your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or check out the latest Moneyist columns.
Comments are closed.